Untitled Hymn by Chris Rice.

So many of you know, I'm a big reader.
My Kindle is my baby.
And my favorite author HANDS DOWN is Francine Rivers.
She writes the most poignant Christian novels.
Naturally, many of them are beautiful love stories that seem written by God himself.

Yeahhh maybe I read too many of these, but gimme a break guys, the worlds not gonna give me an accurate display of love, so I look for it in books.

Anyways, I was reading her book 'Leota's Garden', and when I finished it, I was furious.

The girl ended up alone.
And not because she wasn't gorgeous, the authors descriptions said otherwise.
Not because no one was interested in her, for she had TWO eligible bachelors vying for her feelings.

Oh no. She CHOSE to be alone.
To have Christ be her man for the time being.
And then the novel ended.

First response: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! If I had two guys like that, my only dilemma would be who to choose! Honestly, this girl is ridiculous. Can't she see that God wants her to be with one of these men? I want to shake her! Unbelievable. How could Francine do this to me?? If this story can't end with true love, then my story never will! I'll end up alone without even choosing to do so! I HATE EVERYTHING.
*throws Kindle in a fit of self pity, confusion, and despair*

Now, looking back, I can't believe I ever thought those things.
I must have broken my Saviors heart. Even just typing those out now brought tears to my eyes, knowing that I most likely hurt Him more than I could ever imagine.
I am so sorry.

The girl in the book is one of the strongest characters I've ever come encounter with. She chose to let Christ be the center of her life, instead of one of those boys. And after rereading the book, the guys didn't seem all that great. One insisted that he loved her more than life itself, but he was hardly a Christian young man. The other had known her all his life, went to college, came back to find her a beautiful young woman, and decided her liked her NOW that she looked better and that God wanted them to be together. Yeah... Neither were very good choices. What was I thinking?

So many times I choose others over God. Even these stories. I focus so hard on what God is doing in these fictional lives, that I forget to look for the things He's doing in MY LIFE. My REAL life. That I'm living RIGHT NOW.

Sometimes I amaze myself.
And not in a good way.

Sigh.
He must be so frustrated with me. And I can't apologize and beg forgiveness enough.

I dream of being loved unconditionally.
And yet, my whole life, I have been.
But I forget it all the time because I can't 'see' or 'feel' it the way I think I need to.

Things like...

I want someone to hold my hand.
When God has been trying to hold my hand for over 18 years now.

I want someone to hold me.
When God has been trying to get me in His arms for my entire lifetime.

I want someone to think I'm beautiful.
When I'm created in God's image, and every time He looks at me, He finds me stunning and beautiful through who I am in Him and not by the worlds standards.

And I threw His beautiful and perfect love back in His face.

God, forgive me.

This morning my car died.
And I'm not saying God killed my car so that I could write this entry, but if my car hadn't of died, I don't know when I would have found the time to do this.



I'm gonna go wash my face now, since I'm a complete mess.

For My Love

yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay

Still my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheel just keeps on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

I THINK I’M AFRAID TO BE HAPPY BECAUSE WHENEVER I GET TOO HAPPY, SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS HAPPENS. — CHARLIE BROWN.

Move Forward

Basically.

FIRST! Tangled is one of the greatest movies of all time. But no, seriously.

SECOND! Senior Year is way harder than I thought it would be.

THIRD! I got a new puppy who wakes up everyday at 5:30 am, joy of joys.

FOURTH! She's currently destroying a pillow.



My goodness my goodness my goodness my goodness.
My goodness is right.

I've started writing this post without fully understanding what I was going to write about. Hopefully it won't all be for naught.

Here, listen to this song while you read the rest of my babbling.


(ummm hi, best song ever?)

This one's for the favorites.
And yes, if you're actually reading this,
then that makes you a definite favorite.

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I've lost my way
There are no words left here to say,
It's true-God gave me you.

Sometimes bad things have to happen in order
for someone to realize just how many great
people are in their life.Can I get a witness?